Monday, 05 September 2016 17:08

Soylent Bar Review: The Worst Protein Bar Ever Made?

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Soylent Bar Reviews are tough to find since they are BRAND new on the market, but lucky for me I was visiting bae in LA last weekend and we got our hands on these brand new Soylent bars to try! In this Soylent bar review I’m going to give you a TON of info on the pros and cons of these protein slash meal replacement bars. I have plenty to discuss so in the interest of YOUR time and my desire to go outside in the sun before it sets, why don’t we cut to the chase and start talking about these Soylent bars, stat.

Soylent. It’s a company you’ve probably heard a little bit about if you have ANY degree of interest or caring about the startup scene. Being out in California, I’m exposed to it all the time, so I can speak very competently about almost everything going on from Silicon Valley all the way down to Silicon Beach. 

Speaking of Silicon Beach, which is the Playa Vista area of West Los Angeles, that’s where my boyfriend lives and when we ventured down into town last weekend we had the pleasure of getting our hands on some Soylent bars. But back to the startup thing- Soylent actually just raised all kinds of money (20 million or something), so that they could pour more money into their, er, interesting little product. So if you are looking for a job, look those guys up because Soylent in surely in need of talent to spend all that money on! But let’s talk product for a little while. Are Soylent bars any good? Let’s start with taste and flavor. 

Do Soylent Bars Taste Good? 

Sort of. That’s the short answer. The long answer is that while they have OK taste at the beginning, these flavors break down very very quickly and for me personally, it turns into something a little bit unpleasant about mid-way through the chewing experience before finishing in a decent way. I find all soy products to be disgusting but more on that in a second. There is only one flavor of Soylent bar currently, and that is the caramel whatever. It starts out sweet, and full of caramel flavor. I really did think I was going to love the taste when I first bit into my Soylent bar. But then, it really does take a turn for the worse after about three chews. I think as the soy proteins start to break down, you start to really taste it. Soylent also uses several ingredients to provide vitamin content, and they combine with the soy taste to have that really horrible almost ‘metallic’ taste to them. I could feel the flavor changing my mind, but then as I swallowed, the sucralose and artificial flavors make a comeback and make the end of the flavor not so bad. So it starts great, becomes really average slash bad, and then returns to ok. So the net-net is that Soylent bar flavor is ok…but as usual with ALL soy products, it upset my stomach. And that’s a great segue into our nutrition/ingredients beatdown, I mean review…

Are Soylent Bars Healthy? 

Absolutely not. I don’t want this to turn into a debate on whether or not soy is healthy. If you want to debate me on it, then go read this, this, and even this, and then come back to me with your argument. But if you’re lazy and need the short version- soy is AWFUL for your body. Not only does it mess with your hormone levels (yes, it actually does for women AND men), it is terrible for your digestive health, throws your nutrient absorption out of whack, and soy production is horrible for the environment given the extreme resources required to harvest legumes. But other than all that, soy is good for you. Lol. NOT. I hate soy. I hate it so much. But other than soy. Even if this WERE a whey, or even brown-rice sourced protein bar, it still would be lousy. That’s because the macros are no good. It’s a really heavy bar at 250 calories, of which only 5 of them are fiber, 6 are added sugar, and with just 12 grams of protein. I call that a lose-lose-lose. The triple loser. Because it has low fiber for a ‘meal replacement’, too much added sugar, AND 12 grams of protein is not nearly enough. It’s just such a losing product from an ingredients and nutrition standpoint. Do you need more? Ok. How about this laundry list of LOSER ingredients: 

  • Corn Syrup
  • Soy Protein
  • Canola Oil
  • Maltodextrin (filler)
  • Artificial Flavors
  • Sucralose

Geez- I almost don’t even know where to begin?! Are you SERIOUS with that ingredient list? It’s like an all-star team of modern day evil ingredients! If you are avoiding ANYTHING in 2016, it’s ON this list. Soy. Yes. Corn syrup. Yep. Fillers. Yep. Artificial Flavors. Check. Artificial sweetener. Check. Holy cow. It’s almost unbelievable that this company just got a big round of funding with such a horrid product. Now. Usually I would feel bad writing such a SCATHING Soylent review, but this is just SOoo bad. And I know I won’t be the only one to take a Soylent product to the cleaners in the blogoshpere. But. Anyways. Want to know the bright spot of Soylent bar? They look drop-dead gorgeous. 

Soylent Bars Look Absolutely Fantastic. 

Maybe the investor is a design guru, or art-lover. Maybe the folks that actually invested their hard-earned money in Soylent were SO caught up with how good-looking the Soylent bars were that they blocked out all the little voices in their head that said “don’t do it, this product stinks!”. Or maybe they are just so ignorant to the state of the current health culture that they ignored how poorly made these Soylent Bars are beneath that gorgeous packaging. 

If you follow my blog, you know many of the products that I love are of the sports nutrition kind- where good design is VERY rare. BUT, there have been a few that I’ve praised, more often the ones with the most appealing color palette. Point being- I love color. And a lot of it. But these Soylent bars are so different, and so minimalist, that I can’t help but just fall head over heels for them! They are beyond gorgeous. The flat, white coating is beautiful to the touch. Just a really special experience. They feel rich and luxurious.. the way you expect if Apple were to make a protein bar. And the black and white color, or lack thereof, palette is so pure and crisp that it DEMANDS attention. It just demands it, and it gets it. Soylent might be the most beautiful food supplement I’ve ever seen, and I’ve literally reviewed hundreds, approaching a thousand. The use of typography is perfect, spacing and layout is exceptional…these Soylent bars are truly an achievement. Certainly beat the crap out of Bulletproof Bars (a similarly positioned, and growing company). 

Soylent Bar Review Summary

  • Flavor: 8/10
  • Formula: 3/10
  • Packaging: 10/10

It’s gorgeous. There is no denying. But the Soylent bar within is so poorly made, that I can’t justify even a passing grade for these. They are a true failure.

Soylent Bar Review Final Score: 6/10

 

Read 1966 times Last modified on Monday, 05 September 2016 17:16
Allie Lewis

Hi, my name is Allie and this blog is my hobby :) I am passionate about being fit and active, so making a blog about my experience with different products that help me stay healthy made sense to me. Please contact me at any time if you would like to guest post or advertise on-site! Thanks for visiting :) 

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